Betsy DeVos’s To-Do List

The new Secretary of Education, Betsy DeVos, has a lot of work ahead of her. So, to keep herself focused and on task, Betsy makes a to-do list. The Hot Goss was lucky enough to find a copy of it.

1. Eat a healthy well balanced breakfast.

Betsy is smart. She understands that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. So she fuels up, so that she can take on the day. After finishing her usual breakfast of egg whites, wheat toast and orange juice, Betsy then spends about 15 minuets wondering around her kitchen, looking for where the forks are.

2. Drive to work.

Sure, Betsy has millions and millions of dollars, in fact so many millions that it’s actually billions! Fun!! So, just like you and I, Betsy climbs in the her huge black SUV with help from her driver, Steve, she sits back and enjoys looking out the window and taking in the scenery before heading into a long day at the office. She’s also sure to count how many bears she sees on her way to work, and makes a note in her Bear Journal. Current count, Zero.

3. Makes coffee.

To show her staff, that she’s a fun, and with-it leader, Betsy loves to make the first pot of coffee for everyone. She loads up the pot with coffee, water and lets it rip! When coffee’s ready, Betsy fills up her mug and then walks around the kitchenette, looking for the coffee filters, for 25 minutes.

4. Tweet!

Every Trump cabinet member needs to Tweet, a minimum of 3 completely bonehead tweets a day! Or else, you know, “You’re fired!” Hahahahaha! So fun!

5. Visit a school!

Ummmm… maybe another day.

6. Figure out what exactly “school” is.

This is so tricky. Does anyone even really know what education is?

7. Google “Al Franken”

She will show him what growth and proficiency is!!! 

8. Google “Growth vs Proficiency”

9. Google “Google”

Betsy is constantly surprised that Google knows everything.

10. Replace schools with Google

All of the answers right there at your finger tips. Saving the country billions.

11. Lunch and mid day Tweet!

12. Figure out the WiFi password.

It’s hard to google, when you aren’t even on the internet.

13. Get rid of science.

Yes of course the actual subject of science, but also just science in general. It’s fake and confuses people.

14. Find the bathroom.
15. End of day tweet and punch out for the day!
17. Find the pencils!!!!

For real, where are the fucking pencils?

Rebecca Edwards