Mike Flynn’s Advice on How to get Over an Ex

Mike Flynn get's dumped on Valentine's Day by President Trump and he now he's giving us advice on the best ways to get over an ex.

Ugh! I can’t believe I got dumped yesterday. It’s like, so totally upsetting. I mean I just gave and gave and gave (information about the US –>Russia) to Trump, and he just asked ME to resign like that! On Valentine’s Day! Well what’s a boy to do to get over an ex, you ask? Do some research on the internet of course.  And write out your findings in a nice little three-part series.

Self-Care it Up!

When you are recently dumped, the best thing you can do is really focus on you.  Give yourself a little tlc! Flynnie’s best way to take care of himself is to have a spa day and get a massage. But this time, I didn’t have the relaxing time I usually have with my Russian masseuse, Natalia. She must have learned some new techniques or something because she really gave me the what-for. Her hands kept massaging my neck by just squeezing it a bunch. She didn’t even work on my back. I don’t think I’ll ever go back to Natalia again.

So now I’ve lost my President AND my Masseuse. UGH!!!

The Best Way to Get Over an Ex is to Get Under Another!

So you got dumped on Vday by your President. And he had the gall to make you out to be the bad guy! And then he forced YOU to resign. Well the only way to get over one ex is to get under a different one. So I called up ole’ Cutie-Pa-Puti to see what he was doing. Putin always makes me feel like I’m wanted.

But this time, he didn’t. He was all, “Who’s this? I don’t know Mike Flynns. I’m sorry, wrong number.” I guess that’s what happens when you have such a public break-up like me and Trump’s.  Ughhh I miss him!

Shut up! You’re crying! I’m not even crying right now. Leave me alone!

Finally…Don’t Get Mad You were Dumped…Get Even

So if doing all the good things I’m SUPPOSED to do didn’t work, maybe I’ll just be the petty lil bitch I know I can be. The GOP has been sniffing around wanting me to spill the beans about Putie and Trumpie. So maybe I will…. maybe I will…


Hey, why is this Russian laptop making a ticking noise??


Lindsey Barrow