Just Open The Healthcare Bill!

Most American's are running around like Brad Pitt at the end Seven, screaming "What's in the Bill? What's in the Bill!?!" What's in the healthcare bill?

Most American’s are running around like Brad Pitt at the end of the movie Seven, screaming “What’s in the Bill? What’s in the Bill!?!”

As a nation we have been following  mad men, trying to solve whats in this bill. It’s just 14 men, locked in a room, deciding the fate of millions.

Just Open The Bill!!

Just show us what is in the healthcare bill.  We all know that it’s bad. We know that it’s going to be heartbreaking and ultimately soul crushing.


Our pride got in the way. We were all living in a fantasy under Obama and having all of our Affordable Health Care Act. Getting flu shots, pap smears and prescriptions at an affordable price. What were we doing? Who were we kidding? Trying to care for our bodies. We were proud to be healthy. Proud to have a President and a First Lady who cared about us. Our pride blinded us from the fact that healthcare isn’t a God given right. You have to be rich and white to have healthcare!


Gluttony! Give me all the treatments! I fell, sprained my ankle. I went to the doctor and I got x-rays, like a big fat disgusting pig. GIVE ME ALL THE TREATMENTS!!! I feel like I am about to start getting a cold, fuck yes – Doctor, prescribe me a Zpack!!! If we just fell in line and calmed down, maybe we’d still have healthcare. Why would we think we deserve to get all of the treatments and doctors visits we want.


We were so jealous of seeing our friends walking around so healthy. Sure we all had healthcare and we all wanted everyone to be healthy. But look at Danny over there. Look at him. All tall and skinny and healthy. His secret, a limited diet. Vegan, gluten free, alcohol free, caffeine-free and watches his sugars. Of course we are all jealous of his discipline! I. CAN. NOT. GIVE. UP. GIN. So maybe it’s our jealously that’s taking away our access to healthcare.


However, maybe it was our greed. We just had to save money, so that we could hopefully buy a house one day! But we can’t buy houses because we are busy buying avocado toast. If we kept going down this road, we would just be generation after generation of Scroodge McDuck, diving in a vat of coins. Our greed is what will give us uterine cancer.



Finally, we were able to live our lives with one less worry. Healthcare was taken care of. Sure it wasn’t perfect, but at least we had it. It was something. All of those carefree moments made us lazy. And now we are all mad, we are so mad about losing our healthcare. Healthcare that we loved. That we lust for.

So I guess, maybe we don’t deserve healthcare.

Oh and would you look at that, Gwyneth Paltrow’s head was in the bill. Weird.