You Survived the First Year of The Trump Games!
The Hot Goss is so proud of you. Frankly, we weren’t sure you could do it either, but look at you, you did it.
Sure, you’re tired. And you’ve lost and gained a lot of weight. And you stopped talking to a lot of your extended family. And, yeah, you’re getting more headaches and drinking a little more than usual. And you’ve been fighting with a lot of strangers online about things like, abortion, gun control, immigration, etc. But you did it, 365 days later and you are still standing. But now we are faced with Year Two of The Trump Games, which is basically The Hunger Games for all thirty-something resistors.
Here are some Hot Tips to survive Year Two of The Trump Games
You know how 45 is always talking about himself, like all of the time? Constantly?
I can’t believe that I am actually going to write this – but for year two of The Trump Times, be as selfish as Trump. But in like a less distructive and divisive way, ya know?
Take care of yourself, because girl, lets be honest – you’re still earning less than Ted who works right next to you, and he’s a dick, and clothes aren’t cheap! Stop putting your body through the ringer, we need you feeling good so we can keep taking down this patriacry. Eat those cookies and drink that wine if you need them, cause lord knows you do. But in 2018, let’s focus on being your healthiest best self. You want a day off, take one! Fuck a DAY OFF, take that vacation. Treat yourself like Trump, think of this as a golf weekend. Now is the time to find a lover in a cute European village. After you’ve taken said lover, and if you decided to return home (we’d all get it if you stayed) everyone will be so excited when you come back to work, because Ted really fucked shit up without you.
Help Other Districts.
Back up your causes. Every time your Uncle Frank bitches that Hillary is coming to take away all his guns, donate five bucks to Everytown. Just click this link, I made it so easy for you! Fuck Uncle Frank! Listen Frank!! Hillary isn’t even a politician anymore, ya dummy! So she ain’t coming for you. Don’t forget, this plan also works for when your mom’s friend, Diane, comments about how Planned Parenthood pays women to abort their babies… click this link to give some cash to Planned Parenthood. Also, do not get me started on Diane.
Celebrate with Beyonce and a Nap.
Year two of Trump Times is sure to be a doozy. It might not even last a year…. (please, please, please, please, please, don’t last a full 365). Celebrate this victory. You did it, you survived. Now take a nap, you need it and you deserve it.