ANTM: Stacey McKenzie Please

At the beginning of this week’s ANTM, we’re reminded how much of a garbage episode last week was. But kudos to India for winning another video challenge. I can’t hate on you India. You’re stepping up your game like whoa.

But Tatiana throws a little side shade by saying India’s officially a video girl. And India recognizes it while also recognizing that Tatiana is fierce competition. CAUSE SHE GOT DOSE B’S. ALL DEM. India does get some Tati shade in by saying she’s better ’cause she’s humble. Mm-hmm.

Oh RIGHT. Tash is back in the house. You know, you would think the sisters who were so close in the beginning would be glad to be back together but of course not! Because it’s a competition that only one person can win and the math doesn’t add up. Sorry galsssssss.

Ugh, Ritalert

The eyeshadow doesn’t help the drowsiness Rita.

Rita gets on the TV to tell them a boss has to make their voice “heard!” and she tries to scream “Heard” and it’s poop on a stick.

The girls wonder if they’re gonna be public speaking and someone remarks “why are they all Paige challenges?” Which doesn’t make sense in this scenario because it isn’t dancing. Don’t hate on Paige ’cause she’s bubbly AF. Courtney’s all “let’s pass the crown to Paige.” You know what Courtney? Let’s.

Challenge Time!

The girls show up to some studio that Ashley is waiting for them at. She launches into her shpiel about being a body activist and that it’s important for the models to put their voices behind important causes. I AGREE ASHLEY. Also, I know I’ve given some hate to Ashley but it’s seriously awesome that she is able to be a role model to so many women. I mean, her Barbie doesn’t have a thigh gap!

The models are split into two groups because it’s fun to pit women against each other after talking about using their voices to affect change. I KID ANTM. I know this is a reality TV show.

The models challenge is to make a 15-20 second PSA for Amber Rose’s SlutWalk. In one hour, they have to do group shot, individual shot and then they get a piece of glass to smash. I back this challenge 100%. I also back Amber Rose and her message. Amber Rose should be a judge. Why not have Amber Rose be a judge?


Once they get started, Paige steps up and is fucking ready to send a message with her whole team working seamlessly together. And of course on team B, Courtney starts off with her partners hating her. So it’s like equal.

Wait. No. Because Courtney, or everyone’s hatred of Courtney, fucks everything up for everyone that’s not her. So when her team gets up to shoot, they still haven’t actually agreed to too much aside from their theme being “Don’t Judge Me” and that Coryanne wants to look fierce. And they mess up first try. Surprise.

Then Courtney starts talking while Coryanne’s working and Courtney is RIGHT NEXT TO AMBER ROSE. Courtney and Tatiana get into it about who’s going up after Coryanne and Ashley’s like “who cares?” I agree Ashley. Tatiana should’ve given up a little control over that sitch ’cause there’s a time constraint and it’s not worth it. Plus, yea, lift each other up or whatever. (But it’s super obvious they don’t all get along, natch.)

Then it’s Paige’s team and girl is giving them a pep talk before they get going. YAY PAIGE. Amber and Ashley comment that this team is a little too happy about the message but at least they don’t look like they’re about to claw at each other’s throats. Then, with the individual shots, Tash starts directing Cody. Sigh. Models directing models. Like actors directing actors. Personal pitch, don’t do this unless you’re THE director. (But Tash was right with the direction…BUT it also messed with Cody’s confidence so I still say DON’T DO IT.)

Overall, though, with the second team’s dialogue I agree with Amber that they’re missing the point of SlutWalk but WOAH that glass smash at the end. YEA Cody! Git it. Fuck ya.

But the challenge wasn’t to look like a fierce ass girl gang so…

Courtney, Tatiana and Coryanne win the challenge. I’m ok with this because I really like Tatiana and this information is super important. But poor Paige. POOR Paige. Sigh.

Back at the House

Paige and Cody talk it out. Paige is frustrated ’cause she keeps getting second which is the “first loser”. I like to imagine Cody and Paige are best friends and share a bottle of wine together as they bitch about their flawless looks. Oh who am I kidding? They would never talk about their flawless looks. They’d talk about knitting afghans or something.


Stacey McKenzie is back! Yay! Stacey and Amber for new judges please.

This week’s photoshoot has the ladies embodying iconic boss ladies from history and isn’t PAIGE ISN’T SO DAMN EXCITED TO DO SO. SHE IS. SHE IS GOING TO BE BRITNEY SPEARS K. Of course Paige knows all Britney’s discography and choreography. Did you doubt that?

But WAIT! There’s more! Tatiana is going to be ::drumroll please:: THE Tyra Banks! And Tatiana recognizes the first word out of her mouth about it should be smize.

I mean, if they didn’t do this shit on purpose, then it is an #alternativefact and I don’t even care if this sentence doesn’t make sense because fuck that. (But India’s all “Tyra would be the hardest” because, honestly, she’s probably scared Tati’s gonna knock it out of the park.)

Also during the photoshoot, Cody and Tash revisit the twin paradox and poor Cody’s confidence has lessened. Coryanne brings up a good point tho about Tash having some rest time without shit being thrown at her every panel. (But also, Coryanne reminds me I think she is just an ok model.)


Once Paige gets up to shoot, it solidifies this episode as the “Poor Paige” episode. Because Poor Paige. She was SO excited to be Britney and just couldn’t snap out of smiley mode. Poor. Paige.

Back at the House again

We get a fridge fight between Tatiana and Courtney. And India calls it out as what it is: Tatiana worried that Courtney did better at the photo shoot. ‘Cause she did. Ice cream isn’t only ice cream on ANTM.

Panel Time

Ashley gets one makeup pan, Rita gets three, guest judge Stacey McKenzie gets NONE. NONE FOR STACEY. Garbage. (also Stacey doesn’t need one period.)

Tash is first up and kills it, much to Cody’s dismay. And Stacey RIGHT OUT OF THE GATE proves she would be a way better judge!

We get to Paige and it’s a straight up Poor Paige moment. I COMPLETELY disagree with the judges that she gives the same face. She does not. But I do not think this was a strong Paige photo.

They also give critique to Tatiana and Ashley gives her some nonsense about whipping her hair around and STRAIGHT UP interrupts Stacey. Know why? ‘Cause Stacey is a good judge. The best judge. All the best people say so. And they’re good people. Stacey for judge.


BEST PHOTO: TIE! Tash and India

BOTTOM TWO: Paige and Coryanne – Rita’s critique of both of them is off base but to knock Paige off is real garbage. Real fucking garbage. That girl is strong and consistent. And what a sweet send off. Poor. Paige.

TOP THREE PREDICTION: Well, I was obviously off base from the start. Having no Tyra has thrown this whole thing. Sigh. Ok, well, let’s say India, Tash and Cody. Cause who even knows anymore. Garbage.

NEXT WEEK: Paparazzi and Paper Mag and no Paige. What is it even worth watching for?

Steph Garcia