Girl, I am so sorry.

The 45th President of the United States finally addressed the joint sessions of Congress. His tone of this speech was a departure from all of his previous speeches and rallies. A lot of his supporters feel a sense of renewal.

However, most women have heard this speech before. But the first time they heard it, it wasn’t coming from the president. It was coming from their abusive ex-boyfriend who was trying to win them back.

This is what I heard:

Girl, I am so sorry.

Baby, baby, please hear me out. I fucked up. I know I did.

I just wasn’t myself.

The last five weeks have just been a whirlwind. You know? I lost who I was a little bit. Signing and saying all those things without considering how you would feel.

You know me, you know that I would never do those things to you. Baby, I wouldn’t really “ban Muslims.” I was just scared and I care about you; I don’t want to see anything bad happen to you. That’s why I only want you talking to Christians, baby.

That doesn’t mean I am an anit-Semite. Girl, you know I love Jews. Jews are my favorite. Look at my daughter. No, really look at her, she’s hot right?

Also, I’m basically the least racist person. Ever. Now, my cabinet may not reflect just how un-racist I am. ┬áJust give them chance, they are all smart white people.

And babe, I know you are mad as hell about me “taking away your healthcare.” Again, I am just trying to protect you. You are my number one. I need to take away your healthcare, to give you new, better healthcare. The kind you deserve. And I know, I KNOW, that your last dude told you that you would be able to keep your doctor. He was wrong. But when I say it, Baby, I mean it.

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You know me…

I just want you to look at me. Really look at me. You know me, Girl. We have been though a lot together. Bankruptcies. Affairs. The Apprentice. The Election. Russia. People saying terrible, horrible, fake news about me. We need to rise above it. Because, we are stronger together babe.

Also, did you notice that I was wearing the tie you got me?

I love you, boo.

My response to this….

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Rebecca Edwards