Below is an exclusive excerpt from the highly anticipated, currently unconfirmed, Season 11 of The X-Files. This excerpt is unverified but we at The Hot Goss are pretty sure it’s legit.
INT. FBI OFFICE OR TESTING FACILITY OR CREEPY PLACE – NIGHT (PROBABLY)
SCULLY, super awesome FBI agent, you can’t not think she’s amazing at pretty much everything, holds up a microfiche (still a thing). MULDER, smug while also in constant awe of the awesomeness of Scully, watches her with a smirk.
What am I looking at, Mulder?
That is a microfiche.
I know that.
It’s also a report about the tie-breaking vote
to push forward the resolution against
the Health and Human Services rule.
I don’t understand.
States can withhold Title X funding from
clinics providing family planning services,
even though they provide other preventative
health care services like pap smears and
STD screenings to tons of low income women.
That doesn’t make any sense. Federal
funds can’t be used towards abortions.
Don’t they know that?
Ah. Well, what if I told you, this tie-breaking
Is an alien?
Maybe! Turns out, he can’t eat
dinner alone with a woman.
Million dollar question, Scully! Or, should
I say, any dollar question. Because that’s
what Planned Parenthood will take from you
as a donation.
So let me get this straight, Mulder. You
want me to believe that this resolution
is now on the desk of the President,
waiting to be signed, simply because a
man decided it was important enough
to make decisions about reproductive
rights, even though the people who benefit
most from these services aren’t even men?
And that this man is physically incapable of
having dinner with another woman, even
if that woman is a professional colleague like
you and I are? That doesn’t make sense within
the realm of this world’s possibilities. I don’t
think I have to point out to you that we’re alone.
And I will point out to you, we do have a child
Ok. But we were both single. And it took years
and years and years and years and years
and years for us to even kiss.
Well, there was that one time in 1999.
It was the millennium.
And then at the Bermuda Triangle.
Mulder, you’re losing focus. We have to
inform Skinner. There’s something they’re
not telling us. There’s got to be more to
Oh. This is just a tiny piece Scully.
Mulder pulls out multiple microfiches (they are STILL A THING) of political articles. Scully looks at them all.
All this? Since January?
Yup. This. And probably aliens.
END OF SCENE….or is it?
It probably is for the resolution, unfortunately. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t call your reps and voice your concern. Let them know these services are important! And, if you do have any cash, donate to Planned Parenthood right now. They’ll appreciate it and so will we.