Stop the fucking presses. There’s a new instagram pose in town and every single fucking women’s magazine on the internet is telling us all about it. They’re calling it the Bambi and men are going to definitely want to bone if you pose like this.
When you’re in the Bambi you sit on top of your feet in the most uncomfortable way – guaranteed to make them fall asleep – and spread your knees just a little bit. You really gotta show off that hi-cut bikini-brief swimsuit (we get it women’s magazines – the 90’s are very very back). Bonus points for wearing heels that dig into your ass.
But if you’re like me, you’re not one to jump on the bandwagon of every trendfluencer and womag online. You’re a leader. An innovator. You want to have your own tiny woodland creature pose that is going to be the next big thing. Well, you’re in luck! Here are five very sexy woodland creatures that are sure to make all the boys want to go back to your burrow.
The Baby Opossum that Hasn’t Quite Got It’s Fur Yet. And Whoopsies, it’s Falling Out of Mama’s Pouch.
2. The Hungry Wolf Chasing a Squirrel Up a Tree. Oh no a Branch Just Hit it in the Face. And Now he Lost the Squirrel. But That’s ok because She Forgot and is now Cleaning Her Face with Her Paws.
3. The Hawk Landing on Her Prey. But She’s a Blind Hawk and She Doesn’t Realize the Prey is Right Behind Her. Don’t Worry Tho – She Refuses to Let Her Disability Hold Her Down.
4. The Snake that Just Swallowed a Mouse and its Three Babies and Wants to Swallow More Animals. But Something Just Went Really Wrong and the Babies are Making Their Way Back Up the Snakes Throat. Uh Oh. Better Crush a Little Harder with those Interior Snake Throat Muscles.
5. And Finally, The Classic. The Staple. The Super Hot Fuckable Bear Taking a Super Sexy Shit in the Woods.